(((((((((ss))))))))))) It was wonderful to read about your amazing sit experience last night. Wow But I'm really sorry to hear that your peace was shattered this morning by the stressful exchange with your son. That would totally stress me out too. In fact, I think it would stress anyone out. I'm very sorry that happened. I hope you can gather yourself on your walk (((((((((ss))))))))))

I had a kind of weird panic attack thing in bed last night and I had an upset stomach and was in danger of really going off the charts anxiety wise. All kinds of catastrophic thinking going on and just feeling really unwell and the dark thoughts fueling the unwell feelings, and vice versa. I tried really hard to stay with it and after a while I was able to calm myself somewhat. But it was very, very hard to do when I felt that anxious.

I felt unwell and still anxious when I woke up this morning. I debated whether to stay in bed, but thought that might just end up making me feel worse. So I got up and I'm at work now. I feel better now I'm up, though I'm very tired and my stomach is still a bit upset.

I don't know what happened last night. I felt fine when I went to bed. But after laying there for about half an hour I suddenly began feeling a lot of anxiety in my body. Before long I was having some cramps in my stomach and I had to get up. My anxiety was sky-high at this point as I was reminded of all the times I have had terrible panic attacks in bed at night and been up all night sick. I was so scared that was going to happen again. And so disappointed because I've been doing so much better.

I tried really hard to "turn towards" it. That is SO HARD TO DO when you're in the grip of terror. I remembered something Pema Chodron said on the CD which was, start off by trying to be with it for 1.5 seconds. I thought, I can do that, so I did. But then I just wanted to flee again. I desperately wanted the bad feelings to stop. But of course there is nowhere to flee to and no escape when the bad feelings are happening in your own body. That just ramps up my panic even more. I feel very claustrophobic in my own body and it is one of the worst feelings.

So I kept trying to turn towards it again for 1.5 seconds. I should say I was pacing around at this point. No way could I sit still. Eventually I did go back to bed though and I lay there trying to turn towards what I was feeling. At some point I went to sleep. So even though it was a bad start to the night, at least I wasn't up all night being ill and feeling like I was about to die.

I really hope it was an isolated incident and that tonight will be better. I absolutely do not want to go back to that place of heightened anxiety punctuated by real terror that I was living in 24/7 not so many months ago.

Really trying to use these skills of being present and showing compassion to these difficult feelings. But, boy, it's SO HARD......