Rainbow, just got the chance to really read your post. It is a powerful post.
You are allowing yourself to become more and more open with each session. This is so important for you. And your T is doing an awesome job with this level of work.
This is amazing work you are doing by allowing your heart to be open and honest.

And yes, that honesty can cause us to panic inside! It is HARD to experience being that open when there is hidden fear. Do you know what it is that is under that panic feeling?