I walked into T in a decent mood, I guess. We chatted about crocheting and knitting for a few minutes (i've been bringing the blanket I'm working on to keep me sane for the 50 minutes I am with T).

We started talking about what was going on with me, some of the writing I shared with her last week, the change in my anti-d's, etc.

I'm not quite sure what happened. I started getting really aggravated as the session progressed. I felt like our conversation was going and circles and I told t she was beginning to aggravate me (strike 1). As we moved further along, I told her she was being really difficult today (strike 2) and then she told me I was being difficult (strike 3)...by this point I was almost at my peak of pure......idk. I was annoyed and aggravated. I was getting shaky. She asked me a question, that I can't quite remember, I just know I didn't answer her and crocheted away. She started tapping her foot, and then said "LLT" I said yes, she said "I asked you a question". I couldn't even answer her because I didn't really even hear/remember the question.

We somehow got back to a topic we had been discussing a little earlier she asked me about my friend and how I admire how carefree she is and happy she is. T asked why I couldn't be like that. I told her that's just the way my friend grew up. It was instilled in her. She asked me how I grew up (last strike) and I finally hit my breaking point. I sat there quitely wanting to answer, but I could feel something happen. It was like my brain short circuited. I felt something snapped and my anxiety went through the roof. I wasn't expecting that to happen. My feet starting to tingle, and my chest got super tight. I was getting antsy and couldn't even crochet anymore. She asked me a question and I blurted out "huh?". I could hear her talking but her voice sounded so muffled. I kept telling her I wanted to go and that i felt like i was in the twilight zone. she wanted me to explain what I meant. I couldnt' or didn't want to anyways. I told her I don't know what the twilight zone means (a lie, it's how I describe feeling over spacey) and that I was fine, maybe just overly annoyed...but i wanted to go. I kept touching my face and moving around. She finally ended the session, told me I had a credit on my balance so I didn't have to pay anything. We scheduled another appt and I left as fast as I could.

I am so so so embarassed, I can't believe I acted like that. That's the first time I have EVER done that in T and now I really don't want to go back. She probably thinks I'm some melodramatic headcase. I seriously wasn't expecting that AT ALL. I want to call her and apologize (and cancel my next appt) but she will probably want to know what happened and I really dont want to tell her.

IDK. I'm just venting. No need to respond. Thanks for reading.