Here's what's on my mind: After a year of calling my church (the one I've been attending for the past 4 years), leaving my numbers and then leaving them again and again because they lost them three times, I finally run into my pastor in the supermarket and he's suddenly eager to pick me up for church in the morning. Then last Sunday he's all touchy touchy during the drive to and from church. I'm now thinking that he's a pervert and I don't want to go back to church. This is the same pastor I sent a message to 2 months ago telling him I needed help because I wanted to die and he didn't respond. In my book, he's like the rest of them - only interested in helping you if there's something in it for them.

When does it end? I reach out to friends and they give me crappy advice that just ends up hurting me more. I reach out to family and they just hope my illness goes away quickly. I reach out to my church and no one answers me until couple Sundays ago and now I don't want to go back because of the touching thing with the pastor. I reach out to a psychiatrist and he puts me on meds and tells me to come back in three weeks and then when I return he refers me to a psychologist and tells me to come back to see him in 2 months. I reach out to the psychologist and when I call to confirm my appointment that I made a couple weeks before I hear that they have no appointment for me and she's not working on the day I thought I had the appointment. I am tired. I am seriously tired.