Rainbow I read the part about throwing the buzzer and it almost sounds like you are afraid of hurting T with the intensity of your feelings. I agree it can be scary feeling that intimacy. When you ask for something and get it, it feels very real. I think there is a difference between feeling a sort of general longing for someone (it is kind of safer in a way just to have those feelings) and realizing, uh oh, you do actually have a relationship and this person is hearing you and now you have to watch what you say!

I am pretty confident though that you will not hurt T nor throw a buzzer at her, and the reason is that she is showing you that you CAN express yourself and she will try to get you. This was a really big session for you and I get how it is scary. I hope you keep posting your progress.