After a recent situation, I'm starting to get more and more upset about all the medications I'm on. I feel like they don't allow me to feel happy. Sure, I'm not depressed (usually...still sometimes) and I haven't been suicidal in over 2-1/2 years. That is a very big thing, and I won't discount that. But it feels like any time I start to really feel GOOD about my life - they think I'm manic, so they bring me back down.

This last "mania" was great. I don't see why it was such a bad thing. Unlike most of my manias, I wasn't doing the reckless impulsive ***** like I normally do which ruins my life. I just had tons of energy, I was able to get out of bed in the morning on time or early, I was exercising and I enjoyed it for a change, I was eating right, I was losing weight, and I was having tons of special moments with my little girl. I was very involved in playing with her.

But I also was talking too fast, had racing thoughts, and wasn't sleeping.

But so what? I slept some nights pretty well, others not at all. My husband lives on 3 hours of sleep some nights and he's just fine. Why do you have to overmedicate me any time I don't sleep?

I just want to FEEL happy. I want to know what it feels like. I feel like that has been robbed from me.

And I don't know how to explain this to my pnurse because she's so damn concerned about what I've done in the past - like 3 years ago - that she'd rather overmedicate me *just incase* instead of let me be.

Anyone else feel this way?