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Until recently I have avoided cutting myself by telling myself its pointless and stupid and solves nothing, but a few weeks ago I cut myself because I felt like I needed to be punished for saying something horrible to my boyfriend. I justified it as having deserved it when my boyfriend found out and though he doesn't think it makes it okay I do.
I find myself thinking about cutting myself for this type of thing more. As though I could condition myself to relate my bad habits to pain and thus avoid doing them more. And though part of me knows this isn't the answer, I am still tempted.
I'm not sure what I want from this post other than for someone to understand why. Is this the start of something destructive or can I justify and manage this?
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A Healing Edge
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