Been a difficult week and I'm just done. I want to meet everyone's needs but I just can't do it anymore. I'm too messed up. I would have called in to work today but my only other person to cover is out having a medical procedure done.

My ex contacting me again compounded with so much going on. I guess I should itemize it just to explain my situation more fully but it's going to be long. Sorry.

• My early-teens daughter is having problems in school and my ex won't communicate with me or allow her to call. I want to help. It honestly feels like my ex is doing this so she can throw me under the bus for my daughter's school problems. If I take the issue in my own hands my ex "punishes" me and my daughter for it.
• Ex-GF who said I was emotionally abusive contacted me for computer advice. I just don't get it, why she would contact me for anything if I was as bad as she acted like I was. I take responsibility for not handling things correctly... there's no question of that. It's a complicated story but to sum it up I had a meltdown and she left with no warning. I couldn't handle all the stress and I hurt her deeply. I just don't know what her motives are for talking to me anymore.
• My best friend and roommate has been dealing with health problems of both himself and his wife. He is on disability for a extremely severe medical condition and has seizures. She just had minor surgery, and taking care of her is putting a big strain on him. I have to just let go and let them have their marriage but it's hard knowing how much a strain his marriage is taking on his health. He's been having seizures again from the stress. I helped support them after he could not work anymore. Our living arrangement is ending soon. I will be living alone after that, but I haven't even looked for apartments yet.
• Work is completely out of control. I have three projects on conflicting timelines starting next week.
• My support network is getting smaller and smaller. I don't have anyone I can fully trust with my feelings. I don't know how to tell people who know me just how bad off I really am. I have no family I can trust.
• I need a T but I have no coverage and make too much to qualify for assistance. I have saved money for this but I'm going to have to use it for my apartment and moving instead. I have no choice.

I've just given up emotionally. I don't know how to live like this anymore. I'm so overwhelmed. I can't stay strong anymore, I need rest but I can't sleep, can't ever relax. I feel like my life keeps getting smaller and smaller, closing in more and more tightly until the weight becomes crushing.

I need to shut all this off, I just need some kind of peace, respite. Everything has been this complicated for two years now and a break never comes. It's just something else. I ended up hurting the one person who could help me because I was so overwhelmed. I am an abuse survivor myself, so dealing with it has been hard. The guilt and shame never stops, I can never be kind to myself no matter how hard I try.

I wish I could let all this go, I wish I could be who everyone needed but it's impossible. I can't. I feel like a terrible person, father, friend, son.