WePow, I have to think about the questions you asked me. Thank you.
lyib, that's it, what you said about it being a REAL relationship. Most of my intimate relationships have been in my mind! T is real, and she hears me and responds to me. That's scary!!! I am kind of worrying about hurting her, though. I think that's what I mean about not trusting myself, at least partly. I think there's all this anger inside of me, and longing too, and I'm afraid I want to let it out in a big way. Scribbling and tearing paper is small. I'm a reserved person, but I'm not really. I want to scream and rant and rave and have tantrums. Sometimes I do that at home but it's not enough. I'm afraid of what will happen in therapy, that I'll embarrass myself and be out-of-control. I'm scared.