Thank you everyone for your kind and uplifting words and knowing i'm not alone with this. I live in the past alot and have just wanted to be the me I used to be, which makes the depression and hopelessness even worse. Hard to believe that 3 years ago, i was that person and now i'm not. Just someone lost and ashamed. I have only been married for 1year and 6 months and it really should have never even been, but again I made a bad decision and have to live with that fact. Really the only positive thing I can say is that I have been a good mother and have raised a wonderful 17 year old son, who is a Christian, has morals and cares about people.

I have never been hospitalized before in my life and out in this small town, I don't know where to start. I'm used to living in the Dallas, TX area. If I don't notice any changes soon, it will be my only alternative. That alone scares me. I don't have a doc where I am yet, but my doc in dallas calls my 2 scripts in over the phone(he's been my Doctor since I was 15). He wants me to start taking Zoloft and get off the Lexapro. I have stared at the bottle for a week afraid to take it. 10mg of Lexapro to 50 then 100mg of Zoloft. Oh well, sorry I am rambling, but thanks for listening.