I am currently seeing a psychiatric nurse practitioner for medicaitons, and a therapist for therapy. I just started with the therapist and I really like her.

I've been with the pnurse since April 2008 - almost 3 years. She literally saved my life when I first came to her. I was highly suicidal with manic episodes in-between. She got me stable.

But recently, I'm a bit frustrated with her. We were going nowhere in therapy (I used to see her for both meds & therapy) and she's the one who referred me to the new therapist. I guess she knew she wasn't working for me.

And with the meds, I feel like all she wants to do is throw another pill at the problem. I am sooooooo overmedicated. Here's my cocktail:

Lithium 1200mg (300mg 2 twice daily)
Lamictal 100mg, soon to increase
Invega 9mg, switching to Saphris soon
Wellbutrin 150mg - she meant to put me up to 300mg but didn't want to titrate too many meds at the same time
Along with a multivitamin, extra Vitamin D, and fish oil

Thats TEN pills every day. TEN!

I'm constantly living my life around the side effects, especially the sleep and zombie-ness I get after taking them. If I take them at bedtime like it says, then I don't wake up in the morning. So I take them with dinner, which makes me a total zombie the rest of the night. I'm worthless.

And I feel like I'm not allowed to be happy. Any time I feel the slightest bit of joy and happiness in my life, I'm labeled as hypomanic and forced to take more meds to bring me down.

So that said.....there is ONE psychiatrist in town on my insurance network. Problem is, she works in the same office as my pnurse. So it would be awkward to see her all the time after I basically fired her. But my pnurse doesn't work on Mondays & Fridays so maybe I could schedule appointments then.

On one hand, I think I would like the increased expertise and knowledge of a Psychiatrist with an MD over a nurse. I would have gone to this Psychiatrist from the beginning, but when I first tried to get help she had a 3 month wait for an appointment.

But on the other hand, my pnurse has brought me through so much hell, I really owe her a lot. Can I really just switch on her? What will she think?

What should I do?

Keep in mind I just started seeing my new therapist on Monday Feb. 28th. So am I just in a weird spot where I want change, or what?

I am a Borderline. Borderlines switch too much.