I'm new to this site but I can relate to your daughter when she said the you "consume" her. My mother makes me feel this way too. At times I thought is was her emotional neediness, at others I wondered if she would ever get her own life, and then when I learned about what healthy boundaries between parent and child are, I realized that my mother did not even consider there was a boundary between where she ended and where I began. As a parent myself, I think unless you are emotionally distant, it is kind of easy to enmesh boundaries. And children who are overly compliant are in some way feeling threatened by the adults in their lives, and they are at the same time vigilante toward their enmeshed parent expectations of them. There are times I don't speak to my mom because I just don't know how to have a successful interaction with her and at the same time be myself without her feeling threatened by me. If I don't allow her to "consume" me, then she feels somehow rejected by me and then she becomes angry with me and vengeful--not to mention that she has a list of all the real and imagined "transgressions" that I have committed against her since I was a small child. It is hard to be a daughter sometimes, especially with a mother who is not realizing there is a boundary, a separation between mother and daughter and the daughter is her own person in her own right. My mother is confused by this, and she feels threatened by it so she fights back and demands that I give her what she wants--give in to her "consuming" me.