Hello.

This is again a post concerning my dysfunctional family, I know I need to get away from them and I'm working on that but in the mean time I need to figure this situation out so I don't repeat this in the future elsewhere.

So, I don't use guilt trips but they've been used on me throughout childhood by various people.

One example is my mean sister, who last year had to drive me to a store which was 20 mins away and we had a small argument she told my dad she was doing me a favor by driving me there. My dad responded a firm yes.

She tries to remind me of times when she's done me small favors like drive me here or there, or bring me a rubberband for my hair, let me borrow her dress, etc.

I do things to help others but I don't start making a list of what I've done for them. Infact, when I'm laid on a guilt trip my brain freezes, I even forget that I have ALSO done things for others, but isn't that a form of human relationships anyways? you're supposed to do things for each other, because at the end of the day we are all interdependent. so, you spread the love around!

Anyway, I haven't done her any small favors (or maybe i have and am not remembering them), but I did do her a huge one 10 years back. I was living in US and she was visiting my other sister who lived 10 hours drive away. My sister was pregnant and had to deliver her baby and she asked our eldest sister to take her to the doc for checkups etc but my eldest sister blatantly refused to help her, saying she was busy with work.

To help my sister with this, my parents asked me to drive across cities, 10 hours one way to the town my sister lived in. There, for 2 weeks, DAILY, I drove her all the way to the city (almost an hour one way) and SAT with her during her appointments, patiently waited for her to make sure everything was fine and her checkups were done etc... Basically Thats all I did for those 2 weeks.

now, when i say that i've also done things such as this one (which i feel is major because if i weren't there, she'd be spending 200 bucks daily on taxis to all these places for 2 weeks, thats' amost 2000 dollars).. I hate the fact taht I'm even having to calculate this crap.

I had absolutely forgotten about this till she started laying more and more guilt trips on me. When I said that i did this for her, her response was "SO what? your'e gonna keep using that against me? So you own me now??
"

First, SHE started it. Secondly, I wasn't using it against her, I was trying to defend myself by saying that I have ALSO done things for her so why is she trying to make me feel bad for a stupid 20 minute car ride??

My questions to everyone are:

1. Does anyone see where I'm coming from here? or am i being unreasonable with this?

How is it fair for her to lay a guilt trip on me but when I try to defend myself, she throws back another one on me??

2. How do i deal with guilt trippers in the future. Somehow I come across them all the time.. maybe they smell me or something, don't know.

3. I know i need to distance myself from my dysfunctional family but do you think I can do anything with this? I can't cut them off completely but if in the future this happens again with them, what should i do?

Thankyou so much to everyone who responds in advance! writing my life on here and getting feedback truly helps!