So It Goes, I too feel for you in your predicament. What you experience resonates for me. I'm also trying to find my way out of what feels like a deep, dark hole, with only a therapist for support IRL. I'm hoping that you can call up within yourself the strength that you need to keep coping and healing. It's awful to feel so alone with these emotional issues. At least, people here at PC are always ready to listen, and lend support.