I don't think you should drop the pnurse until you've had an appointment with the pdoc to see what he is like and to get his opinion. People go to a different doctor all the time to get a second opinion. Why don't you get his and see what you think? Be sure to tell him the part about feeling like you are being medicated anytime you show any joy in life.

Have you told your pnurse about feeling like everytime you feel happy you get meds given to you to take that away? Maybe she can fix that problem if you haven't told her. If you have told her, how did she respond? Since you have been through a lot with her, I think it would be good to tell her of your dissatisfaction with the meds and see what she comes up with. It sounds awful to have all one's joy and happiness taken away with medications. Yes, your pnurse has got you stable--that is great. But now maybe it's time to fine tune that and go for greater life satisfaction rather than just survival.

Good luck, Martina.