Thanks for sharing, Alurea...I have sad thought floods too! I am TOO "in touch" with my feelings at times. My memories are a type of haunting. I didn't even know what PTSD was until last year when I went to a T. She diagnosed me and it took several months for me to really process it. I feel a grief for that helpless child that lived in a war zone for the first 16 years of life. I've struggled to forgive my attackers and abusers but then a miracle happened...I discovered I didn't have to forgive anyone! It has helped me to break free of much of my moral dialogue, i.e., "shouldn't I forgive them? They did the best they could". Ridiculous...the answer is NO. They hurt me and I don't have to be morally superior and forgive anyone. They should have gone to jail. That's what justice is all about. I gave up trying to make them stop judging me and give me the love I so craved all my life. It's not going to happen. That resignation is liberating and it has helped me so much. I got to hold the bag all my life and they got off scot free. Not any more. I am not bitter, but I am not happy about that treatment either. Anger is a valid emotion. It's perfectly normal not to be happy about receiving bad treatment. I regret not being in touch with my anger years ago. I thought I should just smile and pretend it was all okay. It wasn't. I have distanced myself from my family and it feels so much better than it used to when I'd hang up the phone and feel like a fraud. It is totally wrong to expect a person to feel good about things that were not good. It defies sanity. We are SUPPOSED to feel rotten about rotten things, it helps us to avoid them in the future...Thanks, Alurea...you make perfect sense. Memories can't be expunged, but I counter them with gratefully acknowledging my blessings and also by allowing my abusers not to matter much any more. They were a horrble bunch and don't deserve my love and caring.