Granite, go ahead and write T the emails. Just don't send them. But write them out and send them to yourself. But make them the exact as if she would read them.

Then - print them out the day before session and take them with you. Then have her read them to you. If she wants you to read them - try hard to do it even though it is so hard.

This will let you be able to do what you NEED to do with the act of composing the emails. I know it works because I have had to start doing that for my own health - just in case T didn't answer a hard one - so I would not be wounded. It really helps me to vent and work things out in my mind.

Please try this and just see how it feels for a day or so. Write EVERYTHING - like "T, I hate you. I am writing this knowing I can't email you but I am in pain..." Just let your soul show through in truth.

Hugs!!!