For the last couple of years now i have been obsessing about my weight, realistically if i look at my body from a bias point of veiw i am not of an unreasonable size atal, i just feel fat, in my head i am 'fat'. i wish i could go back to try and stop the obsession about being thinner before it started because its getting worse. i dont enjoy or taste food really and on occassion i do i feeel discusting, i fell discusting when im hungry when my body wants food. I probably have such a waprped veiw of food because of a nuber of contributing factors, my mum (who has paid not much of a part in my life due to her own issues, i live with my grandma) is a yoyo dietor, she is obsessed with becoming thinner, she would binge uncontrolably and then fast for periods of time well try to anyway, i have rently made the dessionion to cut all contact of with my mum, im putting me first for once as having her in my life she is dragging me down, i dont need it right now in my life. i have low selfesteem i hate feeling like im not good enough and inadiquite, and have barley any stability in my life, the media image of how girls have to be stick thin is most probably a contributing factor to the way i feel abou my body, i was bullyed for being 'fat' ang ugly and perhaps due to other events in my life having an impact on my apitite, i came out as gay about 10 months ago now and beforehand had a rough 'relationship' if you would call it a relationship with a woman much older than me. i try to aviod eating and i skip meals, if i eat when im alone i self induce vomit like from school i will go to the shop buy food i dont evan like and then vomit it back up when i get home. sometimes i struggle keeping food down and just thinking about how much and what i have ate makes me rench involunterly. i am in councilling at the moment and have got alot better from what i was, i am a very anxious, paranoid person i used to suffer quite bad from panic attacks, they arnt so bad now and im getting better, im just so fed up with hating myself. i am in a stable loving relationship now and im so so in love with my girlfriend, she has bulimia and has had for quite a few years, she is seeking help for it, we are just dragging each other down and for her sake i dont want to continue the way im going. i know im going to get better the road is just qoing to be rough, at leat i can say that now because a couple of months ago i didnt see a light at the end of the tunnel.