I guess the other thing that is bothering me about all of this is that T said that she was going to start pushing me harder so that we would be able to get through some more things hopefully sooner than later because there is a possibility that she might take a leave for a bit and she said that she needs to know that I will be ok when that time comes.

She also said that she needs to feel that I will be ok then too so that she won't have to worry about me constantly. She said that she will think about me but doesn't want to be constantly worried, She wants me in a good place so she can think "oh I wonder how Cats is doing now, especially since she is so much better now than how she was doing a year ago." She said that she NEEDS to feel ok about me in order for her to take her leave or she will not be comfortable with it at all so I need to do my part and to quote her "You need to work your *** off, get better, not try to kill yourself anymore, don't get yourself to the point where you are spinning out of control and I have to drive you to the hospital again and admit you to the psych ward myself. and if you could do all that rather quickly that would be optimal.Thanks" Yea sure, -no pressure at all now is there T?

I think she wants to cram the next 2yrs of my therapy into 6 months so that we will be done so that we don't have to worry about having to find me a replacement T while she is off...But I think she knows the truth. It's not going to happen!! Maybe after I talk to her and tell her how overwhelmed I am when I see her on Tuesday, she will ease up on things for me.

I can only hope!!!