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I think it shows real progress in therapy when we can let go of our own need to control the process because it means we are developing more trust in our T's. I've been able to email my T for several years and it's helpful, but that didn't prevent me from being jealous about other things I wanted but couldn't have in therapy. I used to be jealous of people whose T's hugged them, played games with them, took walks with them, gave them lots of contact between sessions -- basically if it was something I wanted but couldn't have, I became jealous and angry because I felt deprived and I thought my T didn't know what was best for me because it felt terrible to be denied something I desperately wanted.
I think it's great that you've reached a place of contentment in therapy, Echoes. That's what eventually happened with me, too, and it really does feel good to be content with what I do get from my T and to know I can trust him to do what he thinks is best based on his knowledge and experience and the fact that he knows me better than anyone else does.
But don't be too surprised or disappointed if the feelings of jealousy return once in awhile as you continue to work through issues in therapy. I have found it's not unusual for that to happen when intense longings or trust issues get triggered by something I haven't yet resolved. The good news, though, is that it's much easier to recognize what's happening now and it doesn't create a huge rupture anymore -- just a little bump in the road.
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