Thank you Sun. It has been extremely tough and things have gotten pretty bad. I have dug myself so deeply in the hole I was hitting rock bottom. As you will read in my earlier post things have turned around significantly overnight.

Yes it does affect the provincial disability. I am currently on basic assistance until the disability application ias assessed. If I opt out of basic assistance I will be disqualified for disability. Without an agreement between the ministry and my ex it can no longer continue. It will take a few months before the process gets stalled and I have to opt out so its not an immediate cut off. Actually I have that wrong, I will be cut off when I fail to provide the ministry with my ex's address. They are expecting me to pass that information onto them asap. Maybe I will squeeze another cheque if I can delay it a couple of weeks.

My application for federal disability that I paid into when I was employed (Canada Pension Plan Disability) is still pending. I went after provincial assistance to get immediate help while I waited out the 4-12 month process to secure CPP disability with no guarantees. No child support issues with that. No deductions for child support. I had hoped I could make it through the wait and not have to involve myself or my ex in the more intrusive public assistance.

Yes at the end of the day the job would still leave a huge gap in meeting my expensive and there would be no time for me to take on any contract work that I might be able to secure in the meantime.

Speaking of which.... I forgot to add this to my good news report. When I opened my work email this morning a client was offering me 4 day contract. That contract alone is worth 2 months wages at the garden. But alas, I need to report it to social assistance and my support will be cut off until all but $500 of the contract fee is exhausted. They just don't seem to want to let people get ahead of the game. As it happens the contract is after the next cheque issuing day from SA so if I get cut off soon after that then the money is mine again.

Don't worry Sun I barely understand much of this either.

Yes it was very hard to hear my aunty's reaction. It took my by such surprise. I am glad I found out sooner rather then later. My sister and I thought it interesting that neither of us had made phone calls that we would have to call back and cancel our requests. We still plan to put a head stone at the grave yard but any ceremonies will be limited to the usual small feast my son and I prepare. We will see who else might be called upon to join us. It is what it is and it will be what it is meant to be.

You are helping Sun. Everyone here is helping me. I am so very grateful and so very sorry I was willing to turn my back on the good work we are doing here, supporting each other, learning from each other.

Even the worst of times get glimmers of hope thrown back at us to keep us keepin' on.

I hope things are well with you and that you are still have positive results from your sits and your attention to doing those things that ground you and restore you power and hope.

I feel ready to sit again. I am going to go out for a nice, refreshing and rejuvinating walk in the rain. I am back in the game again. phew... that was a rough one.