These daily anxiety attacks are really getting to me. My mind has constant visions of last year running through it & for some reason, I am unable to block them from taking over.

I went to my pain specialist that takes care of my Fentynal for my migraines & I broke down. She told me that it was normal going through this at the year point of my Mother's death, but it just doesn't feel ok. It is beyond the normal feelings that I have ever experienced even when my Father died. I told her about the anxiety attacks & that when I feel like this, I can't get food down because the nausea is so horrible. She checked me over & found some lung congestion & thinks that maybe I may be anemic again since eating has been a problem & I have been passing out too often. Told me to go to my GP.

Daily I wake up with my heart racing & chest pounding like it wants to jump right out of my body. My thoughts are whirling & I can't focus on anything. I pull the covers over my head, but at times, I have to push myself into doing the things that I am responsible for at the ranch like feeding & blanketing 37 horses everyday, I end up walking around the ranch doing what is supposed to be done, but the depersonalization feelings are constantly there. I know when I talked to my psychologist just after our session, he told my to realize that this is not a permanent feeling......but it isn't going away & I don't seem to be strong enought to chase it away.

I talked to the psychologist that is on call for my psychologist who is on a week vacation & her comment was that I am in a crisis situation. She told me that she could schedule an appointment for me at the beginning of the week. But that I should call my pdoc & let him know what is going on too. I didn't want to even hear of the possibility of going to the ER.....they can't really help anyway. The seroquel is doing absolutely nothing to help right now, which brings me back to my normal state where I am the one that has to fix myself & there isn't a med in the world that will make my feelings go away.

I am so tired of feeling this way & know that more weight loss isn't doing my any good either.

As the struggle continues, I get more & more exhausted,
Debbie