I initially thought i was depressed, but i was diganosed with (not sure if it 's the the correct name for it) mixed bipolar. I've been perscribed some meds that helped with my suicidal thoughts, but the only thing thats hasn't stopped yet are the racing thoughts. My mind stops and goes, stops and goes, etc and it's drivng me INSANE. Well, i guess it's more of the contents that runs by that drives me to the edge; unpleasent memories from the past, and thoughts that are totally unrealted to my memories clash and muddle, like some nasty train wreck. This happens spontanously, so it's really hard when i'm at school.
I think because i've been repressing things so many things though out my life that it's effecting my memories. I don't quite remember anything that happened yesterday, or the day before. It's like my mind doesn't want me to, even when nothing happened.
I must be spouting nonsense, yes i must be..yes because i don't really don't know how to explain. My Psychiatrist asked me if i heard voices that other peopled couldn't hear. I said no to save myself from whatever he was going to label me as. I was scared. I mean, yeah i hear voices--if he ment my thoughts. yeah i hear voices--if he ment that little ***** that won't shut up about how fat i am and how i'm a failure in life. yeah i hear voices--if he ment that morbid psycho, who only seems to propose rather tempting methods of torturing and killing off people, when i'm either enranged or bored. I mean...isn't that kinda normal? don't people have that voice that tells you to do this or that...and stuff. right?