Hi DocJohn,

I need help. I'm lost. I am ashamed to be in public. Many times when I am out I end up stopping what I am doing, become paralized in fear of people staring at me thinking how fat I am, how old I am, how ugly I am, etc... that for several mintues I can't move. I panic and self talk myself into leaving the cart and walk out so I can go home. I have these thoughts "what was I thinking going out in public?" ..... "I should of known better than to leave the house"...... "omg, look at me, I'm so fat." ..... etc.. I know the world does not revolve around me. I do, but I know people "people watch" and I'm so afraid they are looking at me saying horrible things about me. I go into panic attacks often over this. If I am with someone when I go out I am always asking why people are staring at me and ask if I look fat or ugly or whatever.......

A little back ground.... I am a child abuse adult survivor. I literally should not be alive. I had many horrific relationships where I was nearly killed. I am on my 3rd marriage which was extremely abusive at first but has stopped for the most part. I have been compared to other women by men in my life and also in my current marriage. I feel I can never measure up. I feel like I am nothing. Just learned my husband is ADHD which I suspected for a long time. He is not trying to make an effort in learning skills to help the situation. I however am in counseling and working hard on my own issues. I've tried things to help my self esteem but nothing has worked. I have to go out tomorrow and I am already in a panic about what to wear that can hide me. I don't look down or wear my sun glasses because it makes me feel I can't be seen.

Can someone please help me? I feel the only good thing in my life are my children from my 1st marriage. They are amazing and are married to wonderful spouses. They are why I keep going on in life. I love them so much.

I'm sorry for rambling. thank you for listening. God Bless.......