For a long time I had a difficulty in maintaining that distance. I could do it for stretches, but the bipolar and tha anxiety that came with it made it hard to keep up. I had a lot of people hurt me, and from early on, more psychologically than physically though that figures in also. In the end I saw insult where it wasn't meant and planned betrayal where in the end, it was just common human weakness.

change came when i realizd i wasn't much different, and when i made the decission that I could forgive, but that didn't mean I had to repeat my mistakes. I could take the cat back into the house but didn't have to put the cream back in front of it over and over again. Some people just can't deal with somethings like secrets or trauma. It took time, but I started to find out who I could trouble with such things, and who i couldn't

Some folks get really nasty after they confide in you, because they get scared. They realize that they have just handed over a deep, frightening secret, and now they are afraid you can use it against them. They try to make you less dangerous by belittling you or by distancing themselves from you. Understanding this helps sometimes, because then it is easy to see that it isn't you that the problem is based in, it's them and their fear, their terror that someone will hurt them. Like a hurt dog that you find on the road the reflexively bites everything that comes near him, all the while he cries and looks at you like he wants help.

Maybe you could tell your friend to back off a bit and let this person cool down. She is a bit off for some reason, and even if he is hurt, he has to realize that it's deal to thrash out. IF she can't accept his offers for help or whatever apologies he feels are appropriate to give (and that is those that are appropriate according to his view right now) than she has some wok to do and that really has nothing to do with him, however much she might wish it does.

HUGGGGSSSSS dear and good luck to you and your friend.