Echoes, thank you so much for sharing this. It feels so important that you were willing to trust and try and wait, and you've come to feel that what you have is right for you, and is enough. Thank you also for acknowledging that this has involved a good deal of loss as you have let go of what you wished for and come to be with what is.

I guess we'll never get every aspect of our needs met by our Ts. My T offers me a great deal of out-of-session contact, for example, but won't touch me at all- which felt very hard for a long time, and I still feel a bit confused when I read how many people on here's Ts hug them.

I like what tree said about feeling safe knowing where the boundaries are. Bumping up against a boundary isn't comfortable, but it proves to me that T is in charge of keeping us safe. And knowing that means that I can express all kinds of impossible wishes and needs- knowing that she will be steadfast and acknowledge the need but maintain the boundary. If I thought for a second she might say 'yes', I wouldn't be able to express any of it, because it would be my responsibility to keep us safe by keeping quiet.