((((((rainbow)))))) You have made AWESOME progress......you are aware of what the different parts within you are feeling about things, about T and what they are wanting, and I think this is insight you didn't have before. You are having big feelings.....and not that you didn't before, but now you are so aware of them! This is the beginning of healing....to be aware of the feelings and how big they are, even how conflicted they are. I know how much it hurts to become aware of big, deep feelings......I am in the middle of big, deep feelings also that I did not even know of before and I feel like I'm swimming in deep water, too. It is scary and yet how wonderful to begin to know yourself better and to know that healing is now even more possible!