Quote:
Originally Posted by Jasmina
Jadedmoonbeam, I'm a little confused about the 'no contact contract' still being in contact with him? How does that work?
Why does he want a reaction from me? What does he get out of going back and forth - wanting me and not wanting me? Once he said, "now you know how it feels to be rejected. This is what I went through when you rejected me over and over again.". It almost feels like this is retribution for him. I've seen him take revenge out on his ex for taking their kids away from him. So I know he's capable. Why would he want to keep stringing me along only to have me there if he wanted me back? I know these are obvious questions. However, it helps when they are answered objectively. So bear with me.
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Even if you go to him and say I want to have a contract with you,
he sees it as "she's talking to me"
so he'll say ok, let's do this.
You put together a contract, and he'll look at it and say he doesn't like something about it, so you are still in contract with him.
Every time you talk to him you are giving him the opportunity to play with your emotions.
Even if you have that "I'm never going to talk to him" conversation, it gives him a chance to get back in your head.
If it feels like retribution, it probably is - men like that are usually very passive aggressive...
It took over 2 years of games and crying and abuse for me to get away from my ex and when I ran into him 3 years later he started right back up and i had to get a restraining order on him.
You asked
Why would he want to keep stringing me along only to have me there if he wanted me back?
He wouldn't keep stringing you along if he wanted you back. If a man wants to be with you he would. End of story.
Why does he want a reaction from me? What does he get out of going back and forth - wanting me and not wanting me?
It's a sick twisted game that abusive people play - I think they get off on the power trip it gives them, it's a manipulation tool - they tear you down to nothing so you are weak and then they make you feel like they are the only ones that can do anything for you. they become almost like a drug to you - you said you couldn't help texting him after 4 days right?
I had so many friends telling me, warning me, begging me to get out of my relationship. You are so lucky to be in a different state. change your cell phone number - don't be in contact with this man - get some counseling - you will be amazed at the relief you feel when you get out from under his spell.
Take a minute and think about how bad he makes you feel. how many bad things has he done to you....i'm going to guess they outweigh any good you've gotten from him in the last year. If he loved you he never would have left you, if he loved you he never would have gotten with someone else, and if he loved you, he never would make you feel as awful as he does. I know I may sound mean but I do this from experience and true concern and caring for your wellbeing.
Feel free to send me a PM if you want to talk more about this off of the forum.
GOOD LUCK and be strong.