((((((((((((lavie))))))))))))))) I think it's human nature to feel envy, resentment and bitterness sometimes. Definitely I get triggered by certain things too and I have some bitterness for sure. As you say here, these feelings do not serve us well. It reminds me of that story about the two wolves: whichever wolf you feed is the one that will win......And yet, despite knowing that, it's still so hard NOT to feed the angry, bitter wolf sometimes.

You really do not strike me at all as a victim though. And I don't think that feeling pain and sadness about the way certain things have turned out automatically makes someone a victim. You are trying so hard to work with your feelings and you are doing all kinds of things to help yourself. But I totally get it that you would like to meet someone IRL to help you share the load. I wish that for you so much (((((((((((((lavie)))))))))))))))) It absolutely sucks that you get no support from your family. I hope that hanging out online with your "cyber-family" can, in some small way, help. Though I realize that, wonderful as the internet is, there's only so much it can offer.

Thinking of you (((((((((lavie)))))))) and sending tons of love

PS: I'd love to do the group meditation anytime. It could just be short to start with, say, 10 minutes? Or whatever people feel comfortable with. Yay, a cyber-sangha!!!