<font color="purple"> Been really down, fighting unresolved guilt, new memories, old memories, feeling lost, empty, drowning, want to feel pain but so far still able to resist, want to hide, to run, to fly away...... want to talk but cannot speak, want answers to questions I cannot ask, want want want........ searching and searching, not finding...... Eating myself away, isolating myself, need to hold on until next month...then I can get help... desparately want help.... ready to get help.... want understanding... feel connected....... stop being tormented by guilt.... ughgghhhh its deserving though..sad feel alone... want to understand so many things, want to feel love, happiness, joy, normal, and alive, and feel like a me and not a we....... just spinning back and around in a continuous circle..... too mnay things to sort too many issues to address where to start where to end get out of my head and let my life begin!!!! </font>