I have basically been crying for over 24 hours straight now. First it was over another friend, but somehow I didn't screw that up quite as completely as I had thought. But while I was so upset I tried to talk to my best friend and she said that she can't cope with my problems anymore and that we aren't friends anymore.

The reason she's my best friend is because she doesn't pull stupid dramatic crap. This isn't going to blow over when we're both in better moods. This is for real.

I know i'm poison to everyone around me. I'm so dark and hopeless when I have bad moments that I drag everyone else down with me, make them feel as bad as I do. I've driven my husband deep into depression too.

I'm posting this here because I'm desperate. As horrible as I am and as many people as I have hurt I can't give up because of my husband. Losing me would kill him. And I won't do that. I just desperately wish someone would talk to me and tell me how I can stop being so horrible and driving everyone away. Or at least give me some hope that there's a way to fix this.

The worst part is I'm not like this all the time or even most of the time. I have plenty of good moments, even whole good days, and try to pretend I'm normal as much as I can. I was even getting better. But even one off moment is all it takes to destroy everything and I just don't know how I'm going to get through tonight, or tomorrow, or anything past that.

And I still can't stop crying.