Dear Maven,

Yes, I agree with you that one spouse's problem is that of the other spouse and that is why I did not leave 10 years ago when his addiction was brought to light. I have stood by husband and I am determined to see it through to the end.
What I guess I meant by "his problem" was that while I want him to change, need him to change and support his change.... I cannot make it happen, he must be willing and wanting of the change to take place or it never will happen. I can only change me and no one else - he must be responsible for his own actions & thoughts.

I wish to expound on my first post and say that my main concern is not that of my husbands addiction, but rather that of what his addiction had done to my mind, the thoughts that now control me.... I feel lost and unable to cope with how I react when I see them (sexy images, real life or in pics) - for I believe (right or wrong) that I am found not wanting and worthless for I no longer look as they do.... these images I now believe to be more important to my husband than I am to him (right or wrong).

I fear that his sexual addiction compounded with my past abuse and other life events has left with me a form of BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder) and unless I can get it under control - I will parish, for my irrational thoughts controls my life, keeps me a prisoner with in my own house. FEAR lives with in my mind when I see... that of which I am not.

* * * *

Can any one relate with the disorder of which I speak of? - does any one else suffer from BDD? - I seek help as a means to heal... to heal the me that I have lost.

Thanks...
LoVe,
Rhapsody -

P.S.
My deepest (biggest) FEAR is that I will be replaced... by another.