((((((((((((((((Nightside))))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry this is happening, and i relate as i have recently lost a best friend, tho i was on the other side of it.
i know if my best friend were to come to me and show or tell me she was working on the issues that tore our friendship appart and that she was willing to work at our friendship and not just me doing all the keeping together and patch work, then i would definantly give her more tries. Maybe your friend is something like this?
Loosing anyone is bad, but loosing a best friend is like loosing a family member and can run deep. so i do get it... I really wish i could be there just to hug you.

Also know that, if she was your real friend she would be there... when you needed her. (even tho me and my best friend have went from best friends to basically enemies, i'm still there for her when things go wrong.. i'm just not... a best friend anymore who takes everything she dishes out if that makes sense... like recently she lost one of her parents.. i was still there for her, because ... idk.. the friendship is still there, even tho i'm mad at her and dont know what else to do for her... its still there... secretly... ) <-- maybe there's a chance your best friend could be like this as i am?

and I agree with Krisakira, you're not a horrible person. and no ones perfect..
maybe its her with the issues, and not necessarily you

And your a great person to chat with in the chats!