Thank you both so much for responding.

She does have her own issues. Her life is even more overwhelming than mine. She can't help me because of that. I know she would've if she could've, but the email was still basically her saying she couldn't deal and it was over and she was sorry.

Half this hurt is because its so horrible what's happening to her, she has the exact same set of problems I do and all the hurt... it's just too much. Understanding doesn't make me feel any better, though. In fact, it would be easier if I she was doing it out of meanness because then I could just hate her. As it is I still love her and can't blame anyone except myself.

I know you're right about this. There are good things in the world. The bad can just block it out sometimes, at least for me.

Lexi, I did tend to go to this particular friend with my problems more than anyone else except for my husband. Because I felt like she understood and always knew what to say and could help. But it was a two-way street, I always tried to help her too. Then again, I've been told several times that I'm no good at helping people and actually make things worse when I try to help, so maybe me trying to help was part of the problem?

Either way, I know all of this is my fault and I just hope you're right about me being able to fix it if I try hard enough.

Thanks, Lexi, though I'm having a pretty hard time believing anyone likes talking to me right now.

I finally did stop crying (maybe ran out of energy) and am going to try to sleep. The one friend still talking to me told me I shouldn't destroy my livelihood by just taking off--he's right that destroying work will not bring my other friend back.

So I'll just try to sleep and not cry so much at work that I have to leave, I guess.