thanks everyone

i am collecting state (temporary) disability now and it is woefully inadequate. it has slowed down the process of going broke by a few months probably. i do have some other options, i have a small amount in a retirement account that could get me by for a few more months. i feel as if i am only delaying the inevitable.

i am going to look into applying to ssi although it looks as if the amount is about the same as i'm getting now. the temp disability runs out next month.

thank you for the complement on my skills. i've always wanted to try working on my own. in some ways i look at this as an opportunity to start but the depression won't let me make a commitment for anything. especially these last several days with the sleep all disrupted i can't even commit to be functional for part of the day. i haven't worked on my website for several days and before at least i was chugging along at that pretty well. the worst part is my lack of confidence in that regard. i can't sit down and think of any practical way to make some money from my skills. with the depression it is even harder to think that i could do something.

if i were able to be back at work i'd put more effort into expanding my skills and trying to start something on my own, working on it while i had a steady income from a job. now when i even try to consider any options i just get all wrapped up in anxiety and fear and the fact that there is a deadline on all of this now.

the absolute part of depression is the hopelessness. supercedes any practicality or motivation.

right now my ONLY goal is to try to make it to a support group tonight. i haven't eaten yet today and haven't been out of bed most of the day. really too tired to go but i'm am going to try to force myself to go.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
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