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I am glad you like the idea too Lavie. I was thinking maybe 10, 15 minutes based on what seems to be the average time people are comfortable with. But that is not carved in stone. I am so unaware of the various techniques maybe there are set amounts of time of some types. I think we can leave it up to the guide (the one sharing a particular approach) to suggest the length of the sit. What do you think. Would you like to start us off Lavie? I am really keen to learn more about the sangha meditation. Just a thought if you feel up to it.
I am sorry Lavie that I went off track with what you were saying. To be a bit clearer it’s not me who thinks I am pulling a scam or just playing victim but I think other people believe that to be true. I am sorry for getting sidetracked and giving you the wrong impression.
I do understand what you mean about questioning if you are doing enough. I can relate to that a lot. I am always giving myself a hard time for not having enough faith. If I just had enough faith I could receive healing. If I just prayed more, did more ceremonies, spent more time with my elders I could change my reality and my afflictions would go away.
I wonder if you can relate to something I have been thinking about lately. There are times when I am doing well regardless of my diet, exercise, prayers etc. No question it is always beneficial to practice self care but when my symptoms flare up a fully stocked arsenal of coping skills and self care behaviours is not just 'beneficial', they are absolutely critical to taming the flared symptoms. Slip once and bam! I am down for the count. I am totally powerless. Like you say when symptoms act up, when our brain starts to play tricks on us and our thought process are off it takes a lot more stamina to keep on keepin’ on.
It makes me than wonder how that might factor into the question of enough? What is enough? How much is enough? Why is it enough today but not enough tomorrow? Can I really ever do enough? It gets me thinking that by putting that kind of pressure on myself to do enough I must still be holding onto self blame. I am not suggesting that is true for everyone but I can’t really shake the belief that it is my fault that I am sick. From that place of self blaming I go back to thinking that if I just took better care of myself I wouldn’t be in this mess.
For years I wouldn't ask for help because I hadn't yet done enough of the work myself to find out if I actually needed help. I hadn’t earned it yet. I still hold on to that thinking to some degree. If I could just get my act together and take better care of myself I would not need help. I could cure myself. I got myself into this mess therefore it is my job to get myself out. Lots of old tapes have contributed to the formulating those ideas.
I agree it does get pretty confusing. It is hard to know what part we can own and what part is out of our hands. I don't know about you but the concept of not having full control puts me totally off balance. I sometimes am desperate to own it all just so I don’t have to let anyone in.
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