Not sure where to post this, here or in relationships. But the feelings I have are definitely mixed. All I know is that talking to my father makes me feel like less than an inch high. He is very big with phrases like "I told you so." He seeks to remain in control during an entire conversation, "Why did you do this? Why didn't you do this?" I know people say no one can take your power away from you without your consent, that you have to give it away. But talking with him is so draining. I am left feeling five years old again. Like I have done everything wrong. My mental health has been pretty poor lately with a diagnosis moderate to major depression. Although I am seriously working on my life. Therapy twice a week and Al Anon or ACoA three times a week now. I can't tell him any of that (of course).
I can't tell him about the work I have been doing to deal with the family dysfunction that he (in part) dealt, or his alcoholism. And at the same time I am partially financially dependent upon him. I hate it. If I had any other option I would take it. I am only left with frustration.
God, help me let go. I only hope I can emerge stronger than I was.