I wish my life was easy. Like nothing bad ever happened to me. But it could never be like that, could it? I wish the past could just fade away from my memory. Everyday I spend hoping that big cloud of sadness would just leave me. With all the past, and everything that happened it makes me wish I was dead. I would be better off anyways, I can’t handle this depression I have, it will never go away. It always has to come back and ruin all my effort to get rid of it. All I want is someone I can talk to, but no one ever listens to what I say or would ever listen anyways. I’m trying so hard to get better and live my life but everyday is just so hard. I admit that some days are better than others, but when the harder days come it feels like I’m walking in quick sand, no matter how hard I struggle I keep sinking deeper and deeper. I know they say that going through the stuff I’ve been through only makes you stronger but all I feel is weak and frail. All alone like a piece of garbage in the ditch, unwanted and uncared for. But when something like this happens it reminds me of everything I’ve lost, my cat, my dogs, my self-respect, my entire life.. No matter how far it is in the past it still hurts as if it was yesterday. And I fear those feelings I have will never go away. Some times I wish I was back to where nothing happened, going on my adventures with Belle, or cuddling with Oscar. Slowly I’m loosing my entire memory of them. I can’t remember how they smelt or how they looked, all I can remember is what I’ve seen in pictures and small memories. I fear I will never have closure with them. And even with the assault. I still remember that day and the mistakes I’ve made to deserve what happened. How I will never get that face out of my head. But what makes me sad the most it that no one sits down and ask me, hey are you okay? or I’m here to talk if you ever need me. I would simply say, no. But no one ever asks that, it only makes the cloud heavier. I know I’m seeing a counsellor but she never asks anything like that, it’s all about the voice. But honestly, I think the voice was really me. That it was me telling me to end my life, and I almost did, but on days like this, I wish I did. I know that sounds really bad and I fear death but what do I got to loose anyways? I’ve already lost enough. And everyday I pray to God to give me strength to keep going. I don’t know how to get rid of this pain. All I want is someone to talk to. But I guess it’s safe to say that life is never easy or fair, is it?