I am new

Here, I went into detail about whatever psychosis is controlling me but i'll keep it simple and short.

-I have HPPD from past drug use
-I am paranoid
-I have anxiety so bad it prevents me from leaving the place
-I think people talk %#@&#! about me using implications or an allusion (sometimes they do, other times they don't)
-Pressure on my ears which feels like someone is blowing or tapping my ear drums
-twitiches
-behavioual problems since young maybe mild aspergers
-loss of eye contact
-past emotional, physical and sexual abuse
-odd beliefs regarding the cat
-delusions and intense fantasies about a former love (dissapeared recently for I have found someone else)
-cybercondraic, I spend all day reading stuff on psychology in order to have an understanding of how my mind and thought process works, though I am a slow learner
-I don't want to take antipsychotics
-my behaviours aren't right
-new found stuttering in nervous situations
-depressed usually
-trich, but not pulling it out

If anyone else has psychotic disorders/schizophrenia would be of great help to relate rather then say go get some more soma and feel better. Stopped doing drugs. Annnd glad to be a part of the forum.

Have thought of seeing someone for some personal insight to live by.

Thank you for whatever help you have, sincerely.