Most of us have good qualities. Capacities. Talents. Things we can and should use to build ourselves an interesting and satisfying life. So do I. In spades. But I never used them. Never used them because I spent ALL my life in outer space. And now, when all the shouting is over, when things have died down, when I'm pretty close to three score and ten, with help from my T I'm getting back to earth, with the natural but terribly unhappy realization of what I could have done but didn't do. Maybe I have five or ten years left, if I'm lucky (based on family lifetimes). I know I can use that five or ten years very effectively, and I will. But that just doesn't make up for all the lost time. How do you come to terms with that? I knew something was really wrong a long, long time ago. I asked for help, over and over. And I didn't get it. And I blew the whole thing. And now, when by all rights I should be a grandfather, I get to wake up a little. To see my tiny future, and my tortured, wasted past. The scenes of Japanese devastation in the past couple of days seem familiar to me, as do the black and white photographs of ruins in one of my albums. How do you overcome that kind of regret? That depth of regret? That overwhelming regret? A tsunami of regret, bitterness, sadness and loss. Any of you other seniors out there have to deal with this? Or something like it?