((((((((( Ygrec )))))))))

I think many of us go through things like this. Looking back at our lives and seeing where we screwed up and what we should have done to be responsible etc etc. Many of us have twinges of regret, but we have to put it all into perspective so that it doesn't eat away at us and cause us to kick ourselves.

Don't forget that hindsight is 20/20. What you now know, you may not have known then, so you could not apply that knowledge then as you didn't have it. I like to think that everything we go through in life is a lesson to be learned for future experiences. Sometimes it takes us many years to learn lessons, but that certainly doesn't mean that we were a total waste back in the day. It means we had more work to do in order to put all the knowledge pieces together to create a recognizable reality.

We also change our ways of thinking as we age. What was important to us when we were in our 20's changes in our 30's and even more so in our 40's and on up.

I hope you don't think I'm trivializing what you are going through. I certainly validate your thoughts and feelings. As one who has gone through this before, I realized after awhile that feeling so much regret over times that were seemingly done wrong or under-corrected didn't allow me to move forward to a place more comfortable and to a place where I could work towards feeling better about myself. I hope that you can find that place very soon!