Ever since all of this happened, I hit some kind of emotional wall...I don't know what it is, except I know it happens with PTSD.

I can't handle anything...but where I live, there is no support system...no friendly faces...do you know what I mean? Usually, the people around you can lift you up...favorite restaurants, favorite whatever...The 2 times I have landed here were the result of some very very bad, unusual circumstances...

It's not like my family moved and nothing bad happened. I never CHOSE to come here...I got really physically ill and had to come here.

Then I ended up in a very horrible situation and had to come here. In the span of 2.5 years.

So I feel like I don't belong...I keep getting "stuck". I feel as if I have no control.

I have health problems and always have...I had to learn to work with them to get through things...

Before this happened, I was healthy. No worries -

Now, I feel sick all of the time...I don't know which way to go...

I don't know what to do. I have no patience. I want a normal life. I never had any fear of commiting to a lease before...Because I was fine. I never had a problem taking risks, because nothing bad had ever happened. I was afraid of nothing. Nothing bothered me.

A lot of people around me said that the first incident, being sick, should have scarred me emotionally. It didn't, because I am not like that. I don't give in.

After that, I thought nothing else was going to happen to me.

But it did. 8 months later.

I am so sick of having to "recover" from "something"....

But the truth is, no boss is going to care that I have PTSD and everything else that goes with it.

That I get sick a lot.

I hate getting screamed at. I have issues with authority figures (intimidated) bec. of what I went through. I am afraid of doing something wrong. I don't trust anyone. I can't get close to people.

All of this, by the way, is described in literature on women with PTSD due to abusive relationships.

Let me just say that this was way worse than that. How would you feel with a psychopath in your life? Ten other women had to deal with him. The jerk is young. He is nuts. And as far as I have heard, none of them are ok.