I do know the person he was involved with is a psycho, as i've experienced some of her wrath first hand and saw emails she sent to him basically telling him how he wasn't having sex with her enough (which would be daily, and more than once if possible) and that if he didn't do better she was going to go sleep with someone else. She manipulated him into believing she really cared and then treated him like a "dildo with feet." I've seen him break down and cry just talking about it.

As for myself accepting blame, I do have to. I was unaware of the issue they had initially and then blundered by being a bit over aggressive sexually with him which caused him to freeze up. He understands my actions were not coming from the same motives as hers but its like all his guilt, feeling used, etc. surfaced and he got scared. I also know it doesn't help that because this bothers me so bad I tend to get depressed and/or angry about it and it ends up being brought up regularly which makes him feel even worse. He has admitted he probably needs counseling but doesn't have the money for it. He is VERY ashamed of himself and has nightmares.

I know that while he HAS to work on the issues I also NEED to find a way to deal with this better so that it's not always there like the elephant in the room. But that's where i'm having the most difficulty. I love him sooooo much and the absence of intimacy hurts me soooo bad I seem to constantly fail at keeping the subject at bay and giving him space.