Also like to add..........Why, if the two people within the marriage do not respect their own marriage, are we as outsiders expected to live up to their vows, and respect their marriage for them? What the....? If either of married party respected their very own marriage and followed their very own vows, there would be no problem.........it's THEIR responsibility to protect the union, not the outsider's. The 3rd party has responsibilty to himself only, for he is not the one who joined himself with another in "holy" matrimony. He is only the outsider, and must look out for the single person that he is. The OP got mixed up the wrong person.