There was a poem I read as a young adult. It was about a snowman and a little boy looking out the window at his creation, the words were something like such warmth, such light, and so much fear. For many years, all of my life I had a stated goal of less fear. I have gotten there. I have done the work on attachment and secrets with my T. She never hated me no matter what the secret, and has always been there. I have fewer and fewer big flash backs. Small ones usually that are flighting quickly through my awareness. I have so much less of the feeling of needing to be held and comforted. I never had that as a child, all contact was unsafe. But now I don't feel the panic that I will die if I don't get comforted to know that I am safe. I can hold onto the abstract that I am loved and can be held if needed. I have met my stated goal, less fear. And yet T tells me there is more that must be done so the triggers don't derail me.Yeah, she is probably right.

Trigger. I was loving on my puppy who is now a year old yesterday and he reminded me of a dog in my childhood that I adored. He was shot with a gun in front of me. The story was that he was chasing deer. Spooky was an animal friend. So I have the old feelings of pain and horror but I can see it's in the past and focus on my now critters.

I hope this makes sense. I just find that most of the triggers flash by and leave before I can remember the scene and that I think that is good because I can say that was the past.