I feel like I am a monster sometimes and i can't control my anger.....ok here it goes..I start off having a good day i wake up happy then one little thing dont go my way ,like maybe there is no cold soda in the fridge or sumthing dumb and i then its like i feel as if i could slam my head in a wall and scream at whoever is around me at the moment.which i know isnt fair now im calm but its like i find myself getting more angrier everyday and my anger sumtimes could last all day at ppl who didnt do anything to me. im so tired of feeling like a monster, the thoughts in my head go from racing thougts of what my husband told me one day to make me mad(when it happened a long time ago) or what sumone else did to me(or me thinking sumone did sumthing to me) when im not talking all these thoughts drive me nuts!! I have been self medicading for the last 10 years smokin pot to calm these feelings of rage and racing bad thoughts which i know is wrong but the meds never seemed to help me as good but im tired of not getting a good job because of me self medicating myself and I lost my medicad because i got a raise and then i fliped out one day in a rage mode at work and quit because of the way ppl talk about me and call me crazy!! i always do that and i keep quiting jobs on the spot when i get mad and feel myself about to blow up so now im depressed and cry all day bcuz i have no job and i feel like my husband deserves better than me so much so i told him that today while i was crying and on the verge of taking all my sleeping pills just so it all can go away!! i know its not te answer but i dont know what to do anymore?? i reapplied for medicad now i have n job so i can get back on my meds but what do i do besides pray the devilish thoughts away? help please? not to mention i cant sleep and when i do i dont wanna wake up just stay in bedroom forever!!!!!