Just so very sad. I told T the other night that I was sad. He asked why? Said because I don't think that I'm needed anymore and that one day soon I feel like I will be gone. He said but aren't you the "m" of your group? Said yes, but after awhile children don't need their "m" as much. This is how I'm feeling. That I'll be blended soon. As T say's, My color will be blended into the white paint. Making a new color.

I'm sad because I feel this coming on soon. But yet I'm not really upset, just sad.

Maybe this is all a good thing. What I've been working towards these last 6 years. Being a person. Never felt like a person. With feelings and thoughts. Maybe I will get that??

Right now it's almost 2am and I'm in physical pain again.
Maybe my thinking of my sadness is what's hurting.

Monty