It sounds like you're not ready to be with him or vise versa. Of course he loved her! They were married! I would be a fool to say I don't care about my exes or used to love them. Obviously I did if I stayed with them and remained in a relationship. Just like I would never expect my bf to say he never loved his exes.

You saying you're not appreciated does NOT sound conceited. We are all unique. And you should feel appreciated for who you are. If you do not feel that way, that's a red flag.

The fact that he holds on to so much anger is what scares me. While it sounds like he wouldn't ever go back to her, anger is still caring in its own way. I understand how you feel bc I used to get jealous whenever my bf would get angry talking about an ex. She cheated on him, left him for that same guy and married the guy within 3 months of leaving my current bf. I understand how hard that would be to get over, but it does still hurt just to hear her name or any mention of her (typically by one ***** "friend" of his who does it just to piss me off)

Personally, I would distance myself. Sounds like you both have some work to do on yourselves. He needs to deal with the feelings he is having and, its not fair to you to continue in a relationship he can't give 100% of himself to. On your end, it is a whole different playing field being in a relationship with someone who has been divorced. It's not just an ex that you can say "see ya" and it's done. There are many more things that complicate matters. Even to just give each of you a new perspective on the relationship I would give myself some space.

I would try and talk with him about you two maybe taking a step back. You have already mentioned that you have thought about leaving. So maybe this is good "test" for you? Take a step back. Give yourself (and him) some time to clear your heads. It's so hard to get a clear perspective on something when you're involved in it 24/7. I hope you two can have an open conversation about what he needs to do to get over this marriage and what you need to do to be okay with the fact that he has an ex-wife.