Hi folks,

Yes, you're right Maven, lack of validation is a problem that affects both partners in a marriage, although it might start from the psychology of one of the partners. I hadn't thought that through.

In my view, lots of married people will look admiringly at a member of the opposite sex; the problem only deepens when this compromises the loving relationship they have with their own partner. It is the security of the relationship that really matters.

Rhapsody, I believe that your husband needs to convince you that he loves and respects you as a person, not just in a sexual way; that is the key to all good marriages. He needs to learn to share that feeling with you, and maybe he will. Sometimes men have loving feelings that they can't share or express, and they need some help.

Your fear of replacement must be horrible for you, and that is a deep fear for many of us. Without security in our own hearts, life is a hard road for us, full of anxiety.

A good therapist will know how to approach the problem, I'm sure of that, and I hope that you get some relief soon. You've had a hard time.

Good thoughts, M