Hi,

as many of you who have read my previous posts, I still have the family drama going on.

But in the midst of all this chaos, I'm trying to figure out if I'm aggressive in my speech or manners. I know i'm assertive, but I fear I might be aggressive. I wonder if i'm doing something wrong?

I fear this because last summer I attended a Theatre institute and I felt at times that people were quiet turned off by me. I know I was very passionate about theatre and not sure if I was coming off as self righteous or whatever. I just know when I was in graduate school, I didn't get that vibe from anyone, and usually people loved having me around but at this theatre thing, I felt people were quiet turned off by me.

So, back to my family thing. I would like to know if I was too aggressive/overly assertive in the following scenario:

My uncle owes my mother some property from my grandmother. It's been 25 years since she died. He's holding our property in his control until my mother doesnt sign all his papers FIRST and transfer all his property first, THEN he will give her her share. It's really hard to explain the history and everything behind this so I will spare it. Basically its not in my grandma's will but it was her dying wish to give my mom one piece of property out of 20 or so in total that are going to my uncle.

I felt it was highly unfair of him to get my mother to sign first and keep her waiting when both could do transfers at the same time. My mom signed 3 years ago and the procedure is still going on, we have lack of space because he's holding property captive. My mother is very stressed and I have to handle her most of the time because I'm staying with her. She cries all the time, thinks about it all the time because its like later he can just betray her and say he doesn't want to give her her share.

So, basically, he came to get her to sign papers for HIS share and I just asked him a few questions because my mom told me to come read the papers, etc. Originally i told her i didn't want to get involved and asked her to ask my mean manipulative sister to do this stuff. But then later she asked me again and i said yes.

I asked my uncle VERY simple questions about the paperwork, something regarding the terminology and how I was trying to understand the legal papers and he totally flipped out on me, then we tried to calm him down. Yes, i have been known to get angry before but most of the time its when I'm provoked but the most i do is shout. And also then, the yelling only follows after many attempts of calmly trying to assert my boundries like "i dont want to talk about this right now" "you're hurting me, etc...". I can't even walk away, if i walk away they all follow me and say i'm throwing tantrums. So, anything i do, whether its calmly assert, yell, or leave the room, I have to be attacked.

Today, I didn't do any of that. I was very calm and detached so I could talk more clearly and think more clearly. I've also been the scapegoat of the family always. In the middle of the conversation my uncle yelled at me and said YOU SHUT UP!

I didn't like that. SO i told him firmly that I didn't appreciate that and please don't tell me to shut up. I don't like it.

My question is, Was I too overly assertive here? Should I just have said something else or been quiet? Am i coming off as too strong?

After I said this to him, he said you leave this room, go to your room, after which my sister, acting like she's the queen of the family said "Sam leave the room" my mom followed her "sam, leave the room". I'm 27 years old. I didn't ask to be a part of this. I wasn't yelling or shouting, I was just communicating, I wasn't blaming anyone for anything, I wasn't doing anything accusatory. So why am i being told to leave the room and why am i asked first to help then leave the room?? Instead of attcking me why isn't the other who's being aggressive being attacked??

My sister acts like such a queen and she's on her high horse but she doesn't know originally my mom asked me first because she felt I could read the documents and logically discuss but my sister thinks she's more diplomatic and smarter than me and has this air of hierarchy over me with which she walks and behaves... and tells me "sam, you go to your room.' WTF.

Am I being childish by feeling disrespected by all this? Am i being aggressive? Would anyone else in my situation feel insulted as well?

I would appreciate all input, I'm trying to be a more calm and collected person in the midst of chaos and conflicts. Before, I used to let my emotions overtake me (especially when my buttons were pushed), so I'm trying to change that. Usually I'm very chill until someone really provokes me. Thanks!